Frankly speaking I don’t have much time to blog nowadays. My clock ticks like a time-bomb whenever I don the civilian suit and touch my heart, touch my soul… I do miss writing or in this case, blogging.

And I do miss a-hundred-and-one more things like photography and even the simplest of stuff like kicking a soccer ball. Gathering every Saturday morning for a kickabout is really tough lately.

Tekong is scenic, really. The sea view is awesome with planes soaring high every now and then. There the moon seems bigger, the stars seem brighter and the skies really feels like its protecting me with its endless hues of blues and blacks.

Usually I’d take out my cam, close my left eye, look into the viewfinder, frame the shot and press the shutter. Hah! Now I can only smile silently as I recall those carefree days.

For those who frequent my virtual space, I guess you’ve realized how being a recruit has changed my virtual life too. My heartfelt thanks for putting me on your bookmarks for easy access but my updates are only gonna be as frequent as the Great Singapore Sale.

But I do go to every single one of my links on my site, keeping myself in occupied in each and every one of your stories be it going out jalan raya with friends, posing so cutely for group shots, or your endless raging banter about the things happening in your life.

Keep on writing guys, I’ll be more than happy to be drowned in your words. Heh.

For the record, I haven’t gone Raya-ing except the first day of Raya when I went over to my aunt’s place. Raya this year to me is not about the ketupat, kuih or green packets. Attending the prayers and hearing the takbir are already more than I can ask for.

Every time I book out, I thought the 1-month Hari Raya celebration is over but seeing families still wearing matching baju kurung and friends laughing sheepishly over the number of green packets that they got, I can only smile as I turn my view back to the fast moving world outside the window that is unfolding as if it’s out of a movie reel.

Pretty soon, I realized that I am reaching my bus stop. I put on my jockey cap, slung my field pack over and made my way down from the back of the bus.

For it will be then will I know who I really treasure the most  in my life,
who I have been taking things for granted all these while,
who I have been closing one eye on all the sacrifices that they’ve made.

***

Reminder to self:
Alang, you need the money more than I do for your chemotherapy.
Mum, you need the rest more than I do to recover and sustain the family as a single parent.

 ***

The day that my second girlfriend dumped me, I felt so down. No actually, I felt betrayed. After all the tender loving care that I gave to her, she just had to turn her back on me at the very critical moment.

For so long I cleanse her, rub her and even oil her to the extent that I felt she would stand out from the rest of the girls out there. In the wee hours of the morning I offered to pick her up from her place without any complaints. I’d hold her hands everytime, everywhere we go and only letting go after I had made sure that she’s safe and sound back at her home.

After all that I had done for her, I just asked for one thing in return - to perform and not fail on me. Just that one simple request. Nothing more. But what do I get in return? Exactly the opposite.

And because of that, I had to pay the consequences. Even if it’s not that heavy, I still felt the impact. But I’m gonna give her a second first impression, that benefit of a doubt for the mistake that she had made.

She fucking better not let me down the next time round man.

At times, I really feel bad and sad for my family ever since I enlisted into the army. The army has specified when and what time the recruits will book out. But you know sometimes… just sometimes, I feel that I want the whole of Saturday and Sunday for myself.

Like now, my sister has finally finished her PSLE, and it’s during these free time that I wish I can just stay at home and spend some quality time with her. Since she’s free, I wanna bring her out to wherever she wanna go. Or maybe get her something that she really wants. Or just something that a brother ought to be doing for his own sister.

My mum now has to be content living with just practically 2 people in the house for most of the time. I know her knees are not as strong as before but she still goes to work every day and do as much household chores as possible. How I miss those days where I can wash and hang clothes every other morning, clean the toilet occasionally and tidy up the house as and when I can.

Every Sunday as I head outside to tie my boot laces, I can feel my Mum’s heavy heart. As I kissed her hand, I know she’s thinking that it’ll be 5 more days before she can see me again. And as she said “take care of yourself“, I know she really meant every single word.

It’s not until I walk out to the bus stop all alone that I ponder what my family might be feeling, not until I take the long bus ride that I realize how tough this phase of my life might have hit them.

But I believe there are people who are worse off than me. And in fact I choose to believe that they are coping better than me. And I also believe that things happen for a reason, that they occur because I am able to face up to the challenge.

My mum, my sister and Babe - in them I found my inner strength.

After a shagged week under the sun and through all the sweaty shirts, nothing beats seeing your smile from afar, hearing your chuckle and listening to your own melayu-fied mimics.

Some things are just meant to come through time. And when it does, all I wanna do… is to treasure them.

As I sat by myself amongst the many rows of the mosque’s prayer halls, I was drowned by the takbir that echoed across the empty spaces. It was thereupeutic in a sense that I was feeling calm with all my thoughts being channelled out of my head for a moment or two.

I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason but with so many of them occuring thus far, I’m finding it hard to keep track of the reasons.

Babe how simple but true your words were - I’ve been bottling up my feelings.

Enjoy the holidays everyone and to my Muslim friends, Selamat Hari Raya.