The past week has been hell with all the submission deadlines staring at me all at once. When was the last time I had this feeling? Was it last semester? Right… and that’s like a few months ago. Thus, my lack of time to blog.

I wanna rant.

Yesterday was the routine street-soccer-on-Saturday-mornings which started off pretty nicely as we had many more people this time round. But as usual, at least since the past 2 Saturdays, there will be this notice that say:

“This court is reserved for youth soccer traning on 19/05/2007 from 8am to 11am. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.”

Hell fucking yeah right. The key words here - youth soccer training. Of which I believe it’s elements were sorely lacking whenever my eyes lurks into the street soccer court. No cones, no proper coach, no unified jerseys, no whistles, no sense of training at all.

All that was there was a bunch of 13 to 16 year-olds playing against each other, save for a couple of adults which I suppose were their parents. 2 ladies were outside giving them moral support while a dad plays soccer with the kids on the court. Throughout the whole ‘training’, they basically changed the people in their team and continued their aimless kickabouts.

WHAT THE FUCK! You call that training? It’s more likely that they are afraid to challenge others.

1) It’s so selfish of them to book just because they have enough people to form 2 teams.

2) How the fuck do you improve when you have no challenge and just play against people who are of lower, or at the very best, of your own standard?

In the early stages of my teenage years, I was wearing my track shoes, no not street soccer ones, to play soccer. My team gotta wait for 30 minutes just to play a match ’cause there were so many teams and once the game commenced, we were out of it within 5 minutes.

Conceding truckloads and not scoring any on the other side was a common sight. Being pushed to the walls, dragged to the corner with nowhere to go and made a fool by the more experienced players was a weekly affair.

But at least we learned though by the hard way.

Those kids who booked the court? They donned NIKE and ADIDAS street soccer shoes, had the luxury of unlimited balls being supplied for their ‘training’.. *smirks* how the fuck will Singapore’s soccer standard improve this way?

And my soccer ball died in a hit-and-run accident. It died prematurely with a loud bang.

No wait, it’s not even mine.

The reality of life out there.

I’m feeling hopeless and helpless now. I’m being shot down by arrows and bullets almost every night. If it isn’t literally by my Mum, it would be the ghost of her sayings. Words so sharp they pierce through the heart; she never understands me does she?

All these while no matter what the fiery is all about, ultimately it all boils down to one issue. An issue that has been bogging for for God-knows-how-long. I’ve long burnt it to ashes but somehow it kept rising from the dead. She must be laughing her way to town right now, saying “Serves you right bastard!” along the way. Her friends joining her from behind cheering for a personal victory oh-so-sweet as revenge is a dish best served cold. Boy, it must have been frozen for nights.

I am not appreciative of what they’ve done, not respecting them. Go ahead Mum, say the same thing to other 17 year-olds. If they’re so much better than I already am, just disregard me. I’m getting sick of all this shit. Sometimes I wonder what is it like to be loved… and really be loved.

Breakfast ready when your eyes are still weary? Jokes and laughter filling up the silence of the hallways? To be asked how school was today, yesterday, tomorrow? I’m not having any of that. Not even one.

As if living with a single parent isn’t bad enough, having a Mum that doesn’t understand your situation and constantly compares you with others and always pick your negative points and puts you down always will make the whole shit any better.

As if having to go through a divorce, and a loss of a father, at a critical stage - in the midst of your O levels - isn’t depressing enough, life after that isn’t any better. Not with my Mum being who she is NOW. To hell with ‘Home Sweet Home’. It ain’t sweet if it ain’t filled with love, peace and serenity.

I could have easily plunged into depression. It didn’t happen. Yet that was overlooked. So much for having the mental strength to go through all the troubled waters. It didn’t really matter after all, does it?

I could have been a rebellious and angsty teenage kid who runs from home and lead a life full of vices. But maybe it just wasn’t meant to happen in my book of life. Instead I went on to be a Mass Comm student. Yet that was overlooked. So much for staying strong and positive and scoring good grades and getting into a supposedly oh-wow-that’s-a-great course.

I have to be a good brother… and set a good example to my sister. “No” this, “No” that. Fine, I’ll adhere. But I do have my needs and wants. Instead of them being fulfilled, they’re hindered. Pretty soon I wouldn’t be surprised if my dreams follow suit.

I am proud now. My attitude stinks. I have no respect for the elderly. Mum says I’ve changed. For the worst it seemed to be. And my friends are to be blamed for it. Really? If they booze, drug and fuck around I’d keep my mouth shut, Mum. But they are nowhere near that line. In fact, it’s not even within sights. So don’t go around blaming them.

So am I the cause of all the misery? Do I look like I don’t grow up? That a spanking and a telling-off will lead my to listen to every word that comes out of your mouth without much consideration and deliberation that what you said is nothing but the truth?

I’m feeling soooooo miserable now. I am being blamed for something that happened beyond my control. My reasons aren’t accepted, instead it was hers that seemed to be… valid as my Mum would say. Good for you Mum. You don’t even trust your own son now. So what more can I say?

I have limits, just like everyone. And just like everyone too, once it’s crossed, things will never turn out pretty. Somehow I feel myself pushing my limitation bar higher and higher, trying to accommodate every obstacle that’s hurled at me. But I guess now the bar shan’t be touched any more. It would remain at that height. Cross over and I’ll turn berserk.

I mustn’t fall into the pit of depression but some people just pushed me harder each passing day. But still… I musn’t.

I thought I knew what love was, until I met you.
Now I wish I hadn’t met you at all.

p/s Don’t let your imagination go wild and assume whoever I’m referring to, in any of my posts, as so-and-so. My blog is my avenue to let my emotions run free. And I’m already doing my very best not to make things complicate by naming people.

So the person that you think I’m referring to, may not be who I have in mind.

I had a great start to 2007, watching the fireworks with Babe at the Padang. Although we didn’t get the best view but the spectacular-ness of the fireworks oozes throughout the whole 8 minutes. You are the best thing that could have happened to me for 2006. =)

I particularly love the last one which is uber big, uber nice PLUS it had my favourite type of fireworks - big, golden flower-shaped ones that stays in the air for some time and slowly fades away as if it’s being swallowed by the night. Aaaahhh!!! They really saved the best for the last.

I was kinda sad that the plan to celebrate together with my close friends didn’t materialise but hey… there will always be another occasion which we’ll come together and enjoy, right? I got back quite late - thank God I didn’t miss the last train - and of course woke up only at noon on New Year’s Day!

For once after a long time, I stayed at home. This alone is quite miraculous. Not that I have anything against home but I feel suffocated when I don’t go out. I don’t like my life to be stagnant! But then again, staying at home means more research especially for Finance which is the bugger of all buggers. Maths is important but not my forte, as simple as that.

It wasn’t really a good ending to the year of course. Not when Saddam was hanged. I was supporting America all these while but frankly, it was more to their military precision. And I guess the media got the better of me when Iraq was invaded.

But now I realised that it was not weapon of mass destruction. It was oil. It was not for nuclear weapons. It was to eliminate dictatorship. What was Saddam tried for? Killing 144 people from this particular town in Iraq if my memory serves well. With that, he’s given death by the ropes.

What bullshit is this compared to whatever Bush had promised the millions who were glued to their television and had information updated by the minutes? Now I even doubt the 9/11 attacks are plotted by terrorists. In fact, if you Google or YouTube these videos and you’ll have search results that dissected the Sept 11 incident down to the bones. And the do show evidences that the attacks are more than an act of terrorism.

At least Osama admitted in his videos that he planned this, bombed so and so. But don’t get me wrong. I never ever lay any part of my faith in them. Jihad? What jihad? It must not kill innocent people but Al Qaeda has done otherwise.

If Osama was dead ’cause his bunker is being bombed by a laser-guided missle from the US’s stealth fighter planes, US would have had a holiday already. But I believe they hadn’t had him yet. It would have been a great milestone for Bush - a big boost for his presidency especially now when support is fast waning for him.

“So what now? Plan B? of course. Saddam Hussein. He’s in captive so why not let him go to court and be tried and testified (but we all know he’s gonna die). Let the whole world know all the wrongdoings that he had done.”

And secretly, Bush’s failure to get hold of any weapon of mass destruction will be wiped out from the minds of the many. That very mission objective in the eyes of the US Marines which wasn’t accomplished and aborted I suppose. Or rather it should read

‘MISSION FAILED’

So Bravo! I salute the Bush’s PR team (yes, White House has one. I’ve read about them somewhere and trust me, they are blatantly good.) They managed to divert our attention to Saddam and twisted the stories so much so that Bush is safe and sound in his (White) house.

“But wait.. let’s add a final dramatic moment to the whole epic saga. Let’s make Saddam’s death a secret, hush-hush. All will guess.. will it be tomorrow? How about next week? No, make it NOW!”

And guess what. The finale really turned out to be the final rubbing of the salt into anybody’s wounds.

Saddam was hanged on 31 December 2006.

What a way to end the year. Plus.. it was Hari Raya Haji for Muslims worldwide. It was like having (name a religious leader) hanged on (name a festive that’s celebrated by the religious leader). Sounds cool right? You will scoff at this till it really hit you hard.

So now, Iraq is without any pure leadership guidance. Bombs triggered off everywhere. Bodies flying at every angle possible. Problem solved Bush? Of course you wouldn’t be bothered. “Let’s get the oil miners in Iraq and dig some oil while we see the numbers rolling in our New York Exchange, shall we?”

Boy oh boy.. so much for politics. I have never been so interested before. And despite what I learnt in law, despite what Ms Peters say, despite what the gahmen writes in their statutes, for once I believe there IS such a thing called human rights.

Just like how Saddam ought to be given a life sentence instead of an instant death. Or be tried by an outside court which isn’t biased or prejudiced.

Or me having the right to air my views.

With that I end off with this video, whose credibility has been verified, but it’s really up to your discretion whether to believe its truth. But I would wanna warn you first though. It is really not for the faint-hearted.

SADDAM’S EXECUTION VIDEO

So much so for 2006 and New Year’s Day. As for resolutions? Let’s just say they are a piece of crap to me. If you wanna do it, you wouldn’t have to wait till New Year to start it off.

Allahuakhbar, Allahuakhbar