Dear Babe,
I felt so terrible yesterday. So terrible that I had difficulty sleeping. I felt so scared to sleep actually. ’cause I felt that I’ve sinned a lot to you. I erred too much to deserve any kind of rest. And I didn’t even apologize to you for my wrongdoing. My the time I lay my head to rest, I realized it was all too late. You were already asleep and knowing that you had to wake up early the next day, I can’t possibly disturb your much needed rest.
When you MSN-ed me to ask what else can you do to make me happy, when you have done the best that you could have, when you don’t wanna be fake at the same time, when I see you walking away dejectedly with your head down after we said our goodbyes… it dawned to me how miserable you were feeling.
When I reached home, I stoned. I was recalling everything that had happened today. I was looking back how wrong, ungrateful, stubborn and selfish I was. My sullen look is a far cry from the broken heart that I find it hard to mend. Then I realized mine wasn’t that broken after all seeing how bad yours was.
After all the planned surprise, on our 20th monthsary - especially one that happened on a leap year - after all the trouble to wake up early, travel all the way to AMK, getting McDonald’s breakfast and papers… it had to end off in a sour note. You tried to make things better by talking up random topics to me but I was ignorant. Emotions got the better of logic today.
But the breaking point was when you came down specifically to hug me just ’cause the next time you see me will be in 6 days time. That broke me into tears as I felt damn awful not treasuring all your efforts.
I’m truly sorry babe. I’m feeling damn awful now and this feeling sucks big time. I don’t know what else to offer and say but my sincerest apology.
On the side note, my greatest source of happiness is to see you happy. And if carving a career in production/fashion/styling brings out the deepest sense of satisfaction for you and carves that unconscious smile on your face, pursue it babe. You have my fullest support.
I know you are serious about it. I know you are not merely jumping on a successful bandwagon.
I know ’cause everytime you talk about work, your face gleams. You take your work with pride, utmost integrity and giving the highest amount of professionalism possible.
I know ’cause you see money as just a source of petty cash and it’s the little, little things that you get from being in production that makes your heart jump.
I know ’cause you even dream of pursuing this line even though you are a Mass Comm graduate.
I know ’cause you enjoy every single moment being with the cast and crew. Even though the long hours drain you out, even if it means just a few hours of sleep, you wake up ready for the next scene whether it’s a location shoot or not.
Therefore Babe, go for it. Think with your brain but follow your heart. You are young, energetic and buzzing with energy (like you constantly do). So make full use of it. Opportunities don’t come every other day you gotta realize that. So when one comes, you gotta grab it.
You are working now Babe; you are all grown up. It’s time you be practical, be realistic, go where you wanna go and strive hard for it. More importantly, I want you to prove your family wrong. That you can provide for yourself and a little bit for the family with your current passion.
As much as I hate it, I’d jump with joy with you if you manage to get another contract possibly with Lin in-charge. Continuity is important especially in your line where jobs come in short-term contract basis. And I believe you should be given the chance to enhance your reputation given your good job done so far for your current drama serial.
I’m also going to enlist pretty soon but that I shall leave for another chapter altogether….
